After the Fire
by Proteus DMC
Summary: "It could have been worse" doesn't often ring true. That's what Zack and Cloud think after the Turks rescue them from the ruins of Nibelheim, more dead than alive. Life is a gift, but how to use it? Variations on Cloud, Zack, and Aerith, and Tifa.
1. Prologue

_A/N: This story is self-contained, but follows the continuity of "Between the Lines," more or less. Chronologically, this comes first, in fact. Enjoy!_

* * *

Prologue

The smoldering wood and charring flesh of a village ablaze smelled like barbecued pork. After two days of consciousness, Zack could push aside the eerie red glow and the sounds of chaos and death. The smell was unforgettable, stinging at his nose, seared forever into the most primal nooks of his brain. He did not think he would be attending the Turks' annual cookout this year.

The hospital ward was painfully bright. He lay bandaged and too full of narcotic painkillers to feel what by all rights his body should have felt. His senses were numb and he was better off for it. The only positive was the nurse was cute. That was all well and good, but he really wanted to see _her_. Cloud, his friend—his savior—still lay unconscious in the adjacent bed. Tseng stood by the window and if he intended to invite Zack to the Turk cookout, it probably would not happen today.

One of his long-time buddies grimaced from shots of pain that evaded the narcotics. An entire village had been massacred. Zack discovered it would take more than that for Tseng not to come off as fashionably uncompassionate. "You're lucky to even be alive, you know. You just about died and on top of that, you've been soaking in a tube of concentrated mako for a whole week. Have I told you lately how much you owe Cissnei?"

"I know," Zack said. "You keep telling me. Look, it's just that there's someone I want to call."

Tseng smirked. Smug son of a bitch. "Don't worry about any of that. I'm trying to take care of things. Your many needs. The media. I told you, you're being taken care of."

Zack rested his head against the pillow. Ow. The twinge of pain almost felt good—a reminder he was alive. "You never told me… how did the Board vote go?"

Tseng looked Zack in the eye for the first time since his arrival. "The vote was unanimous to remove President Shinra. His son, Rufus will replace him. The board wants the transition to occur as quickly as possible."

"Damn… Didn't think it would actually happen."

"When word got out of Nibelheim's destruction, it was bad. When the president's elaborate cover-up plans were leaked, it was worse. When the reporters found out Professor Hojo was ready to perform strange human experiments on the men who stopped General Sephiroth … well… Some things are unforgivable. Even given the sanitized version of events the public heard."

"I owe you one, Tseng."

Tseng smirked. "For what?"

Zack chuckled until it hurt too much.

Tseng stared out the window again. What was he looking for anyway? "You thank me, but if only…"

"What?"

"I'm glad you're safe. Who knows what that sick fuck Hojo would have done to you? The truth of the matter, Zack, is you and I were just players in a much bigger game. Bigger than you and bigger than me. Just be glad that today, the chips fell in your favor and we didn't end up sacrificial pawns."

"Yeah. Yeah. I could never be a Turk. Too many damn politics."

Tseng's eyes caught something through the window and then he turned to Zack. "Want to know what comes next?" Tseng nodded to Cloud in the adjacent bed. "For his next trick, our new president is going to make your friend's dreams come true."

"The hell are you talking about?"

"He's always wanted to be a SOLDIER, hasn't he? It seems like that infantry grunt just killed the biggest, toughest SOLDIER of them all in a one-on-one fight."

"Yeah, but Cloud didn't pass the test…"

"He'll retake it. The President will do whatever he needs to to make it happen."

"That mako poisoning can be some serious stuff, Tseng. What if he can't deal with it?"

"He's been soaking in the stuff with you for a week and he could be worse off. This is bigger than us, Zack. It's a great feel-good story. Infantryman who's always wanted to be a SOLDIER gets a second chance."

"I'm not letting anyone use him like that."

Tseng scowled. "Here I thought you'd be happy for him."

"Well, he's not some puppet." Zack remembered the experiment subjects of Nibelheim. "He doesn't need to be in that den of monsters."

"How about we let him decide when he wakes up," Tseng said.

"He's going to say yes without knowing any better."

"Well, tough shit. You're acting like a child, Zack."

Zack frowned.

"And stop sulking."

"He's still so innocent, you know. I… I love the guy, but I'm not sure he can handle all this pressure."

"That's where you come in. You're going to help him deal with it. Consider it an official responsibility."

Zack watched Cloud twitch in bed, as though he knew they were talking about him. "He lost everything you know. I've never been closer to dying. So many people did die."

"I'm surprised you've never had to deal with survivor's guilt like this before. You don't know how lucky you are."

"Lucky? I got the snot beat out of me by a SOLDIER. I'm trippin' out on whatever chemicals the doctors give me and all I really want is alcohol."

Tseng idled across the room to the door. "I'll bet it seems like things can't get any worse. And who knows? Maybe they couldn't get much worse. But you're alive. Never forget that. Both of you are."

Tseng opened the door and she was there.

She stared at Tseng, startled.

Tseng offered a genteel smile. "Good evening, Miss Gainsborough. I was just leaving."

"Tseng…?" Aerith said.

Tseng looked over his shoulder to Zack. "Maybe your life from this point on _is_ a gift. Think about how you want to use it."

The most beautiful green eyes Zack had ever seen followed Tseng out and then searched the room until she found him. She clenched her hands, trembling. It had only been a few weeks, but it seemed like years since he had seen those perfect auburn ringlets, that porcelain skin, and those vermillion lips.

"Zack…" she whispered.

Cloud stirred.


	2. False Starts

_A/N: THanks for the couple of reviews I've gotten so far! This fic is rated M. One of the M'est pieces I've ever written. You have been warned!_

* * *

**False Starts**

Attempt 1

Aerith blushed hotly. "I can't... I just... can't."

Zack set down his fork. "Why not? Seriously. Tell me."

"Well... for one thing, my mom would kill me."

"Tell her you're at a friend's house."

"She'd know I'm with you."

"Well... so? You're not a kid anymore. Tell her it's time to cut the umbilical cord."

"I was adopted, Zack. You know that."

"Way to miss my point. You know what I mean, Babe."

Aerith told herself it was for a sudden chill in the grand dining room. Whatever the cause, she tried not to shiver.

Zack sighed and then offered his most charming smile: the one that always made her heart flitter. "I'm not rushing you into anything. I just wish you knew what you did to me sometimes."

"And what do I do to you, Zack?"

"Make my heart skip and mouth drool at the same time."

"Is this what you tell all the girls?"

"You always play that card when you're trying to shoot me down."

"Card? What card?"

"The 'all the other girls' card."

"Well... I'm sorry. I suppose I'm still rather new at this. It's hard for me to forget you're not."

"I think you're just making excuses to push me away."

"I don't believe you..." Aerith sipped her water. "How was work?"

"I spent a long time getting Cloud ready for the mako treatment."

"Is that so?"

"The three of us should hang out sometime, you know. Now that he's passed the test for SOLDIER, he's moving out of the barracks. I invited him to stay at my place for a while. Until he gets on his feet."

Ah yes. Cloud. Zack's puppy dog. "Oh."

"Of course, he's out tonight," Zack said. "No one at my place."

"Of course not."

Zack frowned. "What do you mean?"

"You have it all planned out, don't you?"

"I mean… do you not want us to?"

"Of course I do. It's just… I want it to be right. I want it to be special."

Zack took a bite of his entrée. It was something tasty in a shimmering white sauce. Some kind of fish. Aerith's mind had been elsewhere from the moment she saw the restaurant. It received the local paper's highest rating. It was run by the former President Shinra's personal chef and therefore not Zack's kind of place. Formally dressed wait staff scurried in and out of the kitchen, quick, but composed. Dim, ambient light washed through the dining room. Happy flowers sprouted from a raised garden in the center, below a skylight that took up almost the entire roof. If it was possible for the night sky of Midgar to be beautiful, it was from this vantage point.

Even without the restaurant, Aerith felt a new disquiet within Zack's heart. She was uniquely gifted at reading the state of his soul. She knew he would ask this of her tonight.

For some things, no amount of preparation was enough.

"The back of a rusty old pickup," he said.

Aerith blinked. "What?"

"That's where it was. It was my uncle's. We drove out out a couple of miles south of Gonganga."

"With that blonde who wore glasses you told me about?"

"Yup." Zack offered a rueful smile. "Doesn't sound very special, does it?"

"A first time is different for a woman."

"It was her first time too."

"Am I like the other women you've dated?"

"No. Not at all."

"So trust me that I'll come around in due time."

Zack scraped up the last of the sauce. "I could've swallowed that piece of fish whole."

Aerith giggled. "You knew what sort of restaurant this was. It was at least good, wasn't it?"

"It was… Is this really the kind of food you like best?"

"I don't know if I'd say I like it best. It's nice. Quality over quantity."

"I'm still hungry, you know," Zack said.

"Really? Hm. What do you want for dessert?"

"You."

Aerith froze mid-way through a sip of water. "Me?"

He replied with discernable hunger. "Yes."

"I... I've... never been someone's dessert before."

"I'm sure you'll be delicious."

Aerith cleared her throat and hailed their waiter. "Check please!"

* * *

Aerith's voice cracked through the dam of her right hand. The rippling, coursing feeling surged through her body. Desperate for something to grasp, she twisted and pulled his hair. It must have been painful, but he did not; would not complain until she crumbled into a limp, raw puddle of flesh.

He planted pecks from the crest of her mons to the dip of her navel to the swell of a flushed breast and the nook of her collarbone. He kissed her lips, his own hot and moist. She kissed back feverishly.

His bare form hovered over her in bed. He had convinced her that a man could be "beautiful" and masculine at once. When she came to that epiphany, she had not yet even seen all of him. He was both in his entirety. "Are you still mad at me?" Zack said.

"Who said I was mad at you?" Aerith said.

"You didn't say anything. I just thought… I don't know."

"What?"

"Nothing."

"… What?"

"I told you. It's nothing."

Aerith turned on her side. "Tell me. Please."

"You've been different ever since I came back," he said.

"How?"

"Just… I don't know. Different."

"You mean… like… bad different?"

He wouldn't look at her. "No. Just… I don't know how to feel about it different."

Aerith had not heard any details about the incident in Nibelheim beyond what she had seen on the news and Zack's sterile recollection. If not for the media hysteria, she would have thought it had been just another week in the life of a SOLDIER First Class. But this was different. It was different from Wutai. It was different from Angeal.

He was different.

"Maybe your perspective's changed," Aerith said. "Could that be all?"

Zack sat upright. He would not look her in the eye. "This lovey-dovey schoolkid stuff was nice. It was fun and refreshing. Being with you makes me happier than anything still. But we've gotta move forward sometime."

Aerith stirred. His pale, smooth skin seemed to glimmer in the pale light from the hollow of his cheek to his ankles, to his… happiness. She touched her damp, flushed skin, its numb tingle gone. "Zack…?" she whispered.

Zack turned his head.

"I changed my mind…" Her legs parted. "I'll do anything you want me to…"

Zack's expression was, for a moment, completely unreadable. She could _always_ read him. He smirked and kissed her forehead. "You were right. We don't want your mom to worry."

Aerith sat upright alongside him. "What?"

He stood and began to dress, once again cool and aloof. "You were right all along. You need it to be special. And it's not like we're in a rush."

Aerith blinked as though the act of blinking would alleviate her confusion. "But… but…" She pointed. "What about _that_?"

It still stood proudly at attention, but he covered it with his boxers and then pants. "Don't worry. I'll take care of that later." He kissed her on the cheek.

Aerith's heightening mood imploded.

* * *

Attempt 4

Aerith tried not to sound angry. She really tried. At least he could not see her face over the phone. On the other hand, maybe that would have helped. She had a decent poker face. As things were, she was aware of her voice almost trembling. "We had plans."

"_Yeah, I know,_" Zack said, "_but it's this thing… He's really having a hard time with the Mako treatment. He's barely on the cusp of being able to handle it and I've gotta be at Shinra Tower. SOLDIER stuff, you know._"

"Can't he be alone at home?" Aerith said.

"_It wouldn't be advisable. He might need help with food and getting a drink._"

"How dangerous is this mako poisoning?"

"_You'll be fine. He'll be a little out of it, maybe borderline catatonic…_"

"Just how I wanted to spend a weekday. You said you'd take me out to lunch and…"

Zack sighed. "_I'm sorry."_

"And I do have to make a living, you know."

"_I can buy all of your flowers today._"

"I don't need you to do that."

"_Why not?_"

"You'd just give them to me. And what use do I have for dozens of cut flowers when I have those same flowers fresh and happy in my garden?"

"_Hm… point taken. How about this? I could pay you for your time._"

"Zack, I don't have an hourly rate. I'm your girlfriend, not a hooker."

He didn't answer. She had crossed a line.

"I didn't mean for it to come out like that…" she said.

"_Yeah, I know I'm asking a lot of you…_"

"I'll do it."

"_Don't feel like you're having to bend over backwards now…_"

"No, Zack. I'll do it."

"_Because if I'm asking too much, just tell me…_"

"I told you, I'll do it."

"_… You will?_"

"I will. On one condition."

"_What's that?_"

"You don't forget about that special plan you mentioned for today. I want a raincheck."

Zack did not speak for a minute. "_Huh…_"

"You know. We talked about it." He was unable to see her blush. "After lunch…?"

"_Oh shit…_"

Aerith sighed. "You forgot, didn't you?"

"_No, I… forgot. Yeah. Fuck me._"

Aerith giggled. "Not today, I guess. You have yourself to blame."

Zack grumbled something inaudible. _ "You're the most wonderful… most affectionate, most understanding girl in all of Gaia."_

"I know. But you're worth a little extra patience sometimes."

"_… Are you positive? In a pinch, I could find someone else. It's just that they really want me to keep an eye on him and make sure he's okay. I mean I also want to keep an eye on…_"

"Zack, enough already. I'll do it. I'll be over there in about an hour. Who knows? Maybe I can take the chance to get to know him a little better."

That was what she had said. Unfortunately, Cloud was not much for conversation. He slept most of the day, overexposed to mako, and nodded in and out of consciousness. All she really got to know about him that day was that he snored occasionally.

Still, she thought, why not make the most of the situation? Aerith whispered into his ear. "'I'll take care of that later?' I mean, he really said that?"

It was the kind of thing Aerith would tell a girlfriend, but then, she did not have many of those. Not anymore. Most of the girls in her age cohort had moved on. The slums of Midgar offered little to young women seeking a place in the world. Aerith had more than most in Sector Five: an aging mother who needed help from time to time, a steady business (if one could call it that), and a boyfriend rooted to Shinra's home office.

Her mother did not care much for Zack. More and more, he was all she had. This somehow saddened, angered, and excited her all at once. She found herself with less and less in a prison cell of her own design. He was the cause of it all as well as her only means of escape.

Aerith retrieved a glass of water from the kitchenette. Zack's apartment was smaller than her home: a two bedroom. On her way to the kitchenette, she could not resist the urge to grab a paper towel and clean a stain off the dinner table: probably left by soda or beer. She did not want him to rely on her to clean, but she could not help herself somehow. It was the cluttered apartment of a SOLDIER—two SOLDIERs now. It begged for cleanliness. It begged for some trace of warmth and femininity.

Not that he would ask that of her.

Aerith sat by Cloud on the guest bed. "Maybe you see a side of him I don't. Maybe you know why he's been so different lately. You are buddies, aren't you?"

He turned his head. His eyes clenched tighter.

"I don't understand you men sometimes, did you know that?"

Cloud mumbled something Aerith could not quite hear.

"So maybe you should go out with him if you two understand each other so well."

Cloud's voice cracked just above a whisper. "_Zack…_"

Aerith froze. Oh dear. She had only been joking. She considered herself open minded. She had heard of such things transpiring in the close quarters of the military. Still, no woman wanted it to be her own boyfriend. It was not that Cloud was not handsome in his own right or even that it was a disgusting image for that matter…

Cloud turned again. "_Tifa…_"

Aerith's heart softened. She realized his fragility before her. "I suppose you've lost a lot too, haven't you? He told me it was your hometown. You'll have to tell me someday. I'd like to meet you for real. Still…" She smiled and leaned to his ear. "That doesn't mean I'll let you take him from me."

* * *

Attempt 7

Aerith wanted to seem like she knew what she was doing so she had practiced on a carrot. The dimensions were all wrong. Really it should have been a small daikon. She found an old, illustrated manual by chance in a used bookstore. She bought it in disguise and prayed to the Goddess her mother would not clean under her bed for several days.

A few minutes in, she wondered if the "practice" had been a mistake.

Zack yelped. "Teeth!"

Aerith disengaged. "Sorry!"

"It's okay. Keep going."

"Are you getting any closer?"

"A little. You're doing great."

Aerith shifted her weight onto her left knee and resumed. He had done the same thing for her. Well… as close to the same thing as it came… so to speak. She was getting a little tired. The carpet chafed her knees. It was hard work, but a labor of love. She had nothing comparable on her own body—nothing that had so many diverse feelings and textures. When it was soft, it was so squishy. When it was hardening, it was so spongy. The way his soft, smooth skin shifted against its hardened inner core fascinated her most of all.

He grunted. She decided she liked making him grunt. "This is amazing. I'm getting close. Watch the teeth."

"What do I do when you…?"

"You decide. Whatever you want to try," he said. He was entirely too vague sometimes.

Aerith paid her full attention to the flesh and muscle trapped between her lips: this most intimate of kisses. They had yet to "make love" in the most common meaning of the phrase, but this was somehow an act more intimate and more selfless—in a way, for her in that moment, more loving.

Zack grasped the back of her head. "Aerith… I'm gonna…"

In the end, in the pivotal moment, Aerith did not do what she "wanted to try." As he released, she jumped away, screamed and scrambled to cover her nakedness.

Cloud unbolted and then walked through the front door. His eyes had just begun to reflect the pale blue glow of mako infusion. The glow looked even brighter for their saucer-like state when he saw the sight before him in the living room.

Zack scrambled to his feet. "Dude, knock."  
Cloud seemed unsure of where to look. There were not many good choices. "I didn't know you were…?!"

Aerith covered herself with her dress and scrambled across the floor. She picked up her shoe and tossed it at Cloud. Cloud rushed back out the door.

Aerith slumped to the carpet and shielded her reddened face.

"So… Maybe he didn't see anything." Zack zipped up his pants.

Aerith threw her other shoe at _him_.

* * *

Attempt 8

She knew it was him even before she opened her front door. For her and only her, he was always right on time. His hair was slicked back and he wore the gray blazer well. Sunglasses partly-veiled the blue glow of his eyes. If looks could kill, she would be dead and gone. He in turn looked her up and down, but he did so discreetly. She could tell he liked the pink cocktail dress.

He flashed a bright, crooked smile. "Hey."

Aerith shifted her weight. "Hey. You don't come here often, do you?"

"No. Your mom's a scary woman."

"Says the SOLDIER First Class?"

"There are some things Public Safety doesn't prepare you for."

Aerith grabbed her purse from an end table. "Shall we?"

"What's the rush?"

"Doesn't the show start at seven?"

Zack shook his head. "Eight."

Aerith shifted her weight.

Zack looked uncomfortable. Was this phase of their relationship supposed to be this awkward? "Cloud says he's sorry. And he'll never tell another soul."

Aerith erupted into giggles. "He'd better not. Well, do you want something to drink?"

"I'm fine." He scoured his blazer pockets. "I got you something." He withdrew a small felt box and handed it to her, opening it. Inside was a pair of gilded hoop earring. They were beautiful: like the ones she wore at that very moment, but shinier, smoother, and, best of all, a gift from him.

Aerith smiled. "Aw. You didn't have to…"

"I wanted to. You've been patient with me lately."

"Let me change into them. Want to come upstairs?"

Zack followed her to her bedroom. For all the time she had known him, he had been here very few times. It had changed so little in that time, decorated as though she were still a precocious teenager.

Aerith walked into the bathroom, removed the old, and adorned the new. It could not have taken more than a minute, but when she returned to her bedroom, he sat on her bed, flipping through a photo album.

"You've seen that before, haven't you?" she said.

Zack shook his head, transfixed to the photographs.

Aerith sat at his side and flipped from page to page. He recognized so few faces. She had to point out all of her departed friends; all of her fallen-away family.

"Who's that?" Zack said.

Aerith recognized the old, old picture of the man and her mother, Elmyra. They perused the album backwards and neared its beginning. "He was my father. Elmyra's husband."

"He died during the campaigns against Wutai," he remembered.

"Right. My mother tells me he was important to all of us."

"Why's that?"

"I could tell when he died."

Zack arched a questioning eyebrow.

"At the time, I hadn't been living with her for very long. I knew when he passed away. I felt him return to the Lifestream." Aerith's lip curled in remembrance. "She tells me that was the first time she realized I wasn't a normal human girl."

"You're the last Cetra. And you're only able to live this life because you escaped from Shinra's clutches."

"Did I really?"

Zack quirked his head. "How do you mean?"

"Who would have known after all I went through as a child, I would fall in love with a SOLDIER? A few days before I found you in the hospital, Tseng told me everything. Or at least as close to 'everything' as I'm sure I'll ever get. He told me about the Turks' years of monitoring me. He told me things had changed and the new President Shinra didn't want me captive. He only wanted me to… how did Tseng put it? 'Be free and remember the favor.' I talk to Tseng every couple of weeks now. The man who was supposed to find and capture me is like a godfather now. The more in my life I've tried to run away from Shinra, the more it's ensnared me."

Zack looked away. "Doesn't it ever seem… wrong somehow?"

"I've thought about it a lot, and you know what? It's life. And life can never be wrong."

His lower lip tensed.

"Zack… what's…?"

"They never stood a chance. It was a massacre."  
"What?"

"All of them. Men. Women. Children. He killed them like they were animals and he was smiling."

She touched his shoulder. He tensed.

"I wouldn't call him a friend, but I looked up to him. And you know what? He was like me. He had the same training. He had the same job. He had the same mako… the same cells in his body."

"Zack…"

"Cloud… And Tifa's whole…" He wiped his eyes.

Aerith held him. His body warmed. He melded into her. It was what she could do for him: he was strong and powerful in ways she was not and could never be. But only she could absorb his sadness and fear.

After unknown minutes passed, they were lying on the bed. She stroked his arm until he ceased to shake. Having absorbed his sorrow, she needed it exorcised from herself.

She rolled on top of him and kissed him like the world was about to end.

He kissed back. His kisses were strong; desperate. Aerith noticed the seven-year-old bedsheets. She noticed the pictures on her dresser that had not changed in years. She had changed far more than they. They seemed like such hollow things. Maybe the picture album and the frozen-in-time bedroom were the remnants of a cocoon. Maybe she felt so little connection to it all because she had transformed into something greater.

Or maybe her metamorphosis was yet incomplete.

"I want you to make love to me, Zack."

He froze. "Huh?"

"I'm ready. I want it. I need it."

She kissed him harder.

Zack backed away as she pressed further. His eyes darted to and fro. "I can't…"

Aerith leaned back. "What?"

"I can't. Not here."

"What…? I mean…?"

"I'm sorry. I can't explain it. I just… can't. Not here. Not now."

Aerith sat upright. He sat next to her.

She had never wanted something more and been denied without reason.

He touched her shoulder. She stood, pulling her shoulder away.

"Shall we go?" she said. Her voice was chilly.

"Right," Zack grumbled and stood.

* * *

Zack finally spoke to Cloud, who sat across the living room, watching television. "Yo, Cloud."

Cloud turned. "Huh?"

"I've got a question for you."

"Okay."

"Well, it's not so much a question I guess as a dilemma. Sort of an ethical dilemma."

Cloud arched an eyebrow.

"Aerith's kind of pissed off at me…"

"Big surprise…"

"Yeah, fuck you. Seriously, she's upset because I guess she wanted me to do something and I didn't want to do it and I had my reasons, but I didn't want to tell her why."

"… Okay…?"

"So what would you do if, like, hypothetically… you knew your girlfriend's bedroom was bugged… and you knew that would really piss her off if she knew, but you also knew it was for her own safety?"

Cloud blinked. "Okay, that's kind of creepy, Zack…"

* * *

In Shinra tower, Rude smirked. He pressed the earphones closer as he played back the wiretap.

Reno leaned in closer to him. "So, what?" Did they make it to second base? Third base?"

"Not even."

Reno chuckled. "Zack, my boy. Looks like you're all talk."

* * *

Attempt 9

For all of the time Aerith spent near him, "Cloud-sitting," as she called it, she really only knew one thing about him she hadn't learned from Zack: he was the best listener she had ever met. He never interrupted. He never misunderstood. He never judged. Sure, he spent most of their time together catatonic… Details.

He lay on his bed and she sat next to him. His eyes were closed. He breathed heavily. She hoped it was getting easier for him. He had never been alert enough to tell her. She only saw him on his worst days when Zack was unable to watch him.

"I don't like the fact that as important as you are to my boyfriend, we've barely said more than 'hi' to each other. In fact, I'll go ahead and say it. I resent it. I don't like being your babysitter. I feel like you're a perfectly nice adult and it isn't fair to you that I only see you at your most vulnerable. I don't like that you mean so much to him… and for all the time we've spent together, I still don't know _why_.

"I spent the first couple of weeks after Nibelheim wishing things would just return to normal. I wanted things to be the way they were before he left. But… that isn't possible, is it? He's changed. It frightens me to say that. Only you know what he went through there. That's closed off to me forever. I just get it in flashes of seriousness or tearfulness.

"He told me not long after he came back that _I'd_ changed. Me. I thought at the time he was only dodging the blame and putting it on me. But now, I think he was right. Only with a little more time do I realize how much what happened scared me. I suppose you know all about it: what it means to love people so deep and so hard and then realize someday they'll die. He was right. I did change.

"So here we are: two people dating who've loved each other for a long time and I don't know if we're even the same people we used to be. He seemed to want to go so fast all of sudden right after he got back, but now it's like… he doesn't want any part of me…" Aerith decided to lay it all out on the line with her unconscious companion. "I've practically begged him to make love to me and he won't. I don't know if he still loves me. I don't know if he's even still attracted to me."

"He is."

Aerith jumped at the sound of his voice. "What?"

"I said… he is." Cloud cracked an eye open.

"You… I…?" She blushed. "I thought you were unconscious."

"No. Just resting."

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm very tired. I think I'm getting used to it, though." His full, open eyes gleamed as brightly as Zack's.

"So you heard…?"

Cloud sat up straight. "I was listening. You shouldn't be embarrassed. It isn't anything he hasn't talked to me about."

"He talks to you about me?"

"He doesn't talk about much else these days."

Aerith slouched and made herself more comfortable on the bed. "What does he say?"

"He loves you, but he's afraid."

"Of what?"

"A lot of things. He doesn't want to burden you with everything that's happened. It's hard for him not to open up to you when you're together. He doesn't want to hurt you." He stopped, but she waited for him to continue. "He told me you were 'the one.'"

"I'm 'the one?"

Cloud nodded.

"That's silly," she said. "Then why will he barely touch me?"

"Even I don't know sometimes why he does what he does. He's a complicated guy. You know that. You're different from all the other girl's he's ever dated and he doesn't know how to approach it."

"How am I different?"

"He actually respects you."

Aerith blinked.

"He tells me over and over again he doesn't think he deserves you," he said.

Her eyes narrowed. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"He says, how did he put it? 'She's this perfect, pure angel and I'm just your garden variety scumball."

Aerith chuckled in spite of herself. Cloud smiled.

"He thinks I'm an angel?" she said.

"That's what he said."

She grinned mischievously. "I suppose he needs to see me more when I'm less than angelic."

Their eyes met and they connected. From that moment on, they were friends.

* * *

Attempt 10

It started out as a joke. She had not even meant it _that_ way when she said it to Cloud. Over the next week, the joke grew into an idea and the idea grew into a plan.

Aerith spent the better part of a week getting to know her devilish side.

She found the bar in the darker recesses of Sector 8. It was somewhere she had never before dared to go alone. She feared she would stand out, but when she felt the flow of life and its erratic pulse in this place, she knew she had only to let herself blend in. She saw the patrons and their dates. Some of the women were little more than naïve young girls while some of the women had not dates, but customers. It was a smoky place that played rhythmic sultry music, known more for its liquor than its food. After an hour of that music, Aerith could no longer tell the naïve young girls from the worldly ones with a smile and a sales pitch.

When she had a free evening, she absorbed the music. She watched the men and women and their dance. She listened to the language of their seduction.

So when she sat across from Zack on the night of their date, she was nearly fluent in the strange language. She spoke to him with her smile. She spoke to him with her batting eyes. She spoke to him with bright vermillion lipstick and the sequin blue dress that was cut too low on top and too high on bottom.

Zack seemed to get the message. He finished his third beer. He had high alcohol tolerance, but his face was as red as she had ever seen it.

"Is something bothering you, SOLDIER?" she whispered.

"Are you crazy?" he said.

"Tell me why not."

"Well… we can't. We just can't."

She ran her middle finger along the rim of her wine glass. She had not had a lot: just enough for courage. "I don't mind staying out a little later than usual."

He took another drink. "Your mother would kill me."

"I don't know how she'd find out. You were right all along. I'm not a child anymore."

He gave her a rueful smile. "You're right. I was right. But there's no rush."

She frowned. "Who's rushing?"

He waved around him. "You don't have to try to be something you're not. You never do with me."

"Who says I'm trying to be something I'm not?"

"I am. I know you."

She finished her wine. She weighed her options. She nibbled on her lower lip. "You're mind's made up, isn't it?"

"Trust me. When it finally happens, it'll be worth remembering."

They sat in silence for several more minutes. The rhythmic pulse of tribal, electric music reverberated through the room.

"Okay. Can you take me back home then?" she said.

He stood and like a gentleman, helped her out of her chair. He laid down the necessary gil for their food and drink. She followed him out.

There was something pressing on his mind. She could tell by his slow gait—by the way he wanted to look at her but would not. As they emerged from the dark of the bar into the dark of the Midgar night, the crisp bite of tart air stung her nose. There were passers-by. Few lingered. She needed him to look at her—to see the look in her eyes—to see the want in her heart.

He would not turn.

And so as she rounded the corner at the edge of the street at the cusp of an alley, she pressed her body to his back. He stopped and let their bodies mold to each other. He leaned back invitingly. Her cheek pressed to his shoulder. Her hands slid to his abdomen. Then her hands slid lower.

Zack squirmed.

Aerith began to unbuckle his pants.

He spun around. "What the…?"

She stopped him with a kiss that penetrated his lips with her tongue and left a smear in its wake. It pressed him back against the brick wall in the shadow of the dank alley. He tried to push back, but it was futile.

"What do you think you're doing?" He looked stunned; bewildered. Still, he made no attempt to stop her.

His pants were unbuckled and he was free in the night air.

She hushed him. "If you think of me only as an angel, someday I'll fly away."

"Not here," he whispered, turning at the sound of footsteps nearby. "Someone might see."

"They wouldn't know us or even be able to recognize us. They'll just keep walking. They'll just assume it's a man and a woman in love. Or a transaction. Either way, we won't be bothered."

He had yet to react strongly, but she was working on him. He was not nearly as elastic as he was moments before. He reached to her, seeming unsure whether to push or pull. His hand drifted, almost without his consent, to the round of her bottom. He felt its contour and then gasped, not because of what he felt, but because of what he did not.

She smirked. It was so much like one of his smirks. She hiked up the low cut of her dress. Beneath it was only what the Goddess gave her.

She felt him turn from elastic to solid in moments.

With her free hand, she pulled aside her spaghetti straps. She slid the dress down to her abdomen, exposed.

He tried to sidestep away from her, but tripped and landed on his bottom. With a playful smile, she climbed on top of him. He was against her; nearly in her.

"Stop!" Zack said. "Don't do it. Not here. Not now. Don't you get it? I want your first time to be special."

"Zack, it will be with you. Of course it will be special."

Their eyes met. The moment when he nodded seemed to be in silent slow-motion. She just had to reach down and guide him. He entered with less effort than she had thought he would. There was discomfort for a few minutes, but when it subsided, she rode him in blissful pleasure.

One day soon, they would make love. It would be sweet and romantic. This was enough for now. She met his eyes and smiled, delighted as his face clenched in release. She crumbled atop him and showered him with little kisses. They laughed together. For the first time, she felt like she was meeting him at his own level. And in an alley by a disreputable bar, they shared the most wonderful moment of each other's lives.

So far.

* * *

Winner Takes All

"A little more to the left," Aerith said.

Cloud looked at her, puzzled. She had just wanted the dresser a little more to the right. He nudged it a quarter of an inch and she seemed content. It barely fit into Zack's room, but he had so little closet space.

Her PHS rang several times as she leaned back against the wall.

"Aren't you getting that?" Cloud said.

Aerith shook her head. "It's probably my mother again. She has strong opinions. I'm trying to limit them."

Cloud quirked an eyebrow.

"She didn't like me with just one SOLDIER. She hates the idea of me living with two even more."

Cloud did something he did rarely: he chuckled.

In the living room, Zack listened to the voice on the other end of his PHS for more than a full minute. "Are you done, Tseng?" he finally said.

"_When I told you the bottom line is we need to find some way for her to stay safe, this isn't what I meant,_" Tseng said.

"Tseng, she'll have a SOLDIER Third Class housemate and a SOLDIER First Class roommate. How much safer can she get?"

"_I don't know how safe considering it's you._"

"She's not a child anymore. You've gotta cut the umbilical cord sometime."

"_That's easy for you to say. You've known her for just a few years. I've…_" Tseng's voice stopped.

"I love her. I'll take good care of her. We both will."

"_I know, Zack._"

"Talk to you later, alright? And do me a favor—can the Turks do something about that mother of hers?"

"_That's your job now._"

"Hmph." Zack hung up the phone. He walked into his unexpectedly-clean bedroom—he'd already found three sets of boxers he thought had gotten lost in the wash. Aerith perched on the edge of their new bed—a king size. Cloud leaned against the wall.

"So what happens now?" Aerith said.

Zack smiled. He could not wait to find out.


End file.
